
Friday March 6th was the last day life felt normal in sleepy Bluefield, Virginia. It was Pajama Day for Presley, wrapping up her Dr. Seuss-themed week at school. She had the best day. Snow began to fall that evening, and I loaded up everyone in our minivan to drive on snow-covered roads and eat dinner at our favorite Mexican joint. The next day we were set to take off for our annual family vacation. Never did we think that would be our last day of school for the entire year, and never could we have predicted COVID-19 becoming a full blown pandemic (by definition) before our arrival home on Sunday, March 15th.
By then, schools had been announced “closed” for the next two weeks. Because I’m a SAHM, I made the decision then to quarantine. Where did we need to go? We had also traveled, so something in the back of my mind said – just in case, stay home. By then, stay at home orders were not active in either of the Virginia’s, but I operated my family on this strict precaution even so. David, however, was still going to work. Their companies are very diverse and have customers based all over the country and world. Some of their manufacturing directly provides for the medical, appliance, data, mining and energy industries, so they were receiving letters almost daily from customers asking them to try their best to remain open even in these unprecedented times. Monday March 16th, he went to their facilities addressing the employees about implementing OSHA’s new strict social distancing guidelines, etc. He continued to work the entire week, coming home and leaving shoes at the door after disinfecting, changing clothes, and applying lotion to his raw hands from washing them all day. He also made the decision to pack his lunch and eat in his office each day that week – limiting his chances of contracting the virus at a restaurant or through food. That first week of quarantine was strange, but happy for us. We recovered from a busy vacation, watched movies, had lots of snacks, and made the most of being home. After all, it was only supposed to be for two weeks.
By Thursday of that week, the sun finally shone, and we decided to keep dinner simple and enjoy the evening outside with the kids. I made a full buffet of frozen pizzas. This delighted David, but was the first time he started to notice he couldn’t taste very well. He does experience seasonal allergies, so at that point we said it was strange but moved on. He went to work on Friday, March 20th, and by the time he came home I had noticed a difference in his energy levels. This is also very common after a stressful week of work for him, but he just didn’t have the same “zest” for Friday night he normally does. No desire for a cocktail, fell asleep in the chair, and couldn’t smell the white chicken chili I had going in the crock pot all day, much less taste it. It was a very “lazy weekend” for all of us, and he complained of being tired, and having some lower back pain. Let me tell you, as much as this man goes – none of these “symptoms” seemed like anything different from how he feels from time to time. However, out of precaution, we regularly checked his temperature. It was always 98.6 or less. He never coughed or experienced shortness of breath, so we said it must be a bad case of allergies. Monday March 23rd arrived, and he went to work, continuing social distancing. Mid-morning, I got a call from a close friend telling me that Fox News had released new COVID-19 symptoms, and she was alarmed that they were a sudden loss of taste and smell. I had chatted with her via text over the weekend, and told her had been complaining of it. I immediately called his cell phone and told him. He left work to come home – and didn’t return. We debated for an hour or so whether or not to seek testing, and we ultimately decided the decision would be the doctors’ at the hospital. If they felt he was a true candidate for testing, they would test him. If not, they would send him home to possibly quarantine. Well, they decided to test him. After many conversations with doctors since, it was saying “yes” to travel that ultimately made him “at risk” for COVID-19.
On Saturday March 28th, David received a call from our local health department confirming that he did, in fact, test positive for COVID-19. He was the very first confirmed case in Tazewell County. In many ways, the release of emotions felt good because we finally had our answer. We had waited 5 days for these results, of course in quarantine – even within our own home. However, I knew we needed to brace ourselves for what was ahead. Bad news travels fast in a small town, and my family is no stranger to that. Taking the time to tell our side of the story is something I knew early on I wanted to do, of course when David was ready.
Some of you may be reading this wondering why in the world shame would come with a positive COVID-19 test result. The Wall Street Journal recently released an article titled “Coronavirus Pandemic Leads to Shunning and Shaming in Small Towns.” Sue Rosa, the Director of the Board of Public Health for Chelmsford, Massachusetts “asked cities and towns to stop releasing the number of people who have tested positive for the virus, and limit the release to countywide information.” The reason: People were trying to identify who was infected. The dynamic had led to a “cyber bullying.” This became our reality in less than 24 hours of the first case being released to news stations. In a small town or county with little anonymity, people were ferociously trying to figure out who this person was. I read countless comments on Facebook threads of individuals saying they deserve to know where we live – at least the area of the county. I even read things that said they wanted to know where we pumped gas, where we shopped for groceries, and at which post office did we get our mail – so those areas could be avoided. I even came across a comment saying that “He should be locked up for his stupidity.”
In efforts to minimize hurt, I decided to practice social MEDIA distancing (maybe that’s a new hashtag? #socialmediadistancing). If my Instagram or blog felt a little ghostly, now you know why. I had to put the phone down, in efforts to minimize potentially picking it up and opening an app only to see more negativity spreading about my family. I know people were and are still scared, but I never understood why “I’m praying for him” or “I hope he is and his family are okay” wasn’t seen a little more often. Little do these commenters know, we have gone above and beyond to quarantine at home, even before we knew he was symptomatic. After knowing he might be symptomatic, he was immediately tested and has quarantined for even longer than the CDC’s recommended period of time. I have not pumped gas since March 2, because guess what, I’ve STAYED HOME, so don’t worry about where that might have happened. We don’t get mail at a post office, so don’t worry about which one we might have visited. I have entered two establishments in 38 days, both of which I wore disposable gloves, mask and kept social distance. Little do people know, one of the families affected by COVID-19 has taken absolutely every precaution to stay home and slow the spread. David protected his employees as much as he protected his family. Every employee tested after David (and there haven’t been many) has received negative results, praise God.
When COVID-19 “hits home” you’re robbed of finding the “silver lining” in each day, creating happy moments with your kids, and coming up with creative crafts and fun homeschooling activities. I saw so many of those posts, and they were admittedly hard for me to read – another reason I felt like putting my phone down. David and I were consumed with keeping myself and the children healthy, and our silver lining was very simple – David’s case was very mild, he was able to recover at home, and our girls and I never showed any symptoms. He and I were both plagued with “Pandemic Dreams,” which Fox News described as “The many unknowns surrounding COVID-19, including when this may be over, is causing stress and anxiety that many are seeing seep into their dreams, prompting the hashtag #PandemicDreams.” Ours went beyond the normal, wondering if the worst was over for David, or if the virus was just beginning. We were so fearful that our children or any of his employees would become infected that many nights I cried myself to sleep. Several more I would wake up sweating, heart beating with worry and anxiety. The emotional effects of dealing with COVID-19 outweighed the severity of David’s physical symptoms. Because of this, my heart and prayers go out to the families of the victims of this horrible disease that might be in intensive care, on ventilators, or worse, have passed away. Please remember, you have done nothing wrong. This disease does not discriminate, and anyone can catch it.
I am also in constant prayer for our medical care providers on the “front lines” of the pandemic. Dr. Yuval Neria, the director of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder at the New York State Psychiatric Institute stated “There is kind of almost like a honeymoon phase right now. There is consensus, high adrenaline, adrenaline, and let’s do it together. I think once this is ended, and we face the reality of the aftermath, coupled with financial difficulties and shortage of services– all of those things can rapidly elevate the risk for a second pandemic, which will be a mental health pandemic.” Dr. Neria is a former Israeli tank commander whose own traumatic experiences in the 1973 Yom Kippur War informed his career studying the brains of veterans with PTSD (www.cbsnews.com). These mental health concerns spread beyond healthcare workers, but also to those who will experience a loss of identity through quarantine. With the loss of jobs and isolation from friends and family, the mental health effects of COVID-19 will be widespread. Because we’ve fallen victim to these heavy, hard feelings – I know they’re real. And if you’re feeling them, you’re not alone. Remember, we’re in this together.
Stepping away from facts to end on a more personal note, I want to share a story of my late paternal Grandfather and Grandmother, Bill and Betty Presley Thompson. In March 1985, my Grandfather was unknowingly infected with HIV by a blood transfusion when he underwent emergency coronary artery bypass surgery at Duke University’s Medical Center. This happened only weeks before screening blood before transfusion was made mandatory by the CDC, placing him at the forefront of HIV cases caused by blood donation. For 18 months, he lived not knowing he had the virus and passed it to his wife. He is quoted in My Own Country, a novel by Dr. Abraham Verghese saying “My grief that my wife had been infected with this virus from Hell knows no bounds.” Their illness was kept private, even from my father and his brothers, for some time. The public shame surrounding the AIDS epidemic in the 80’s was something I cannot even begin to fathom, but have learned about through oral history from family members, and studying other publications. Although I was very young when this happened, I’ve learned how much kindness meant to them. Doctors that were willing to treat them and people who were willing to care for them in their final days were the kinds of stories my father and mother still recount with tears in their eyes. Through personal diaries they kept, I learned that their faith played a strong role in their coping. They weren’t spending their time blaming who might have done this to them, but rather, lived the remainder of their life in peace. My Grandfather was often quoted saying “It doesn’t matter what happens to you that counts, it’s how you deal with it.” I feel like many of their most important lessons are engraved deep in my bones, and have given me special strength in life, but also a true sensitivity and empathy to others. Living through this pandemic has brought up many tears, emotions and conversations about my Memom and Big Daddy, and what they must have gone through. For them, the virus would turn into full-blown AIDS and both would pass within a little over a year of each other. A scene of my Grandparents was also described in My Own Country that I find particularly moving. It says, “she now stepped closer to her husband, as if they were physically connected and the cord between them had been stretched.” It is an example of the undeniable love and commitment they had for each other. Even in times of unspeakable tragedy for them, faith, hope and love trumped all other things. Kindness mattered. Thank you to all those who have shown my family true kindness during this time – whether it be through a text, a phone call, dropping off groceries at our door, or the occasional care package. Those acts will never go unnoticed, and I am forever grateful for them. I’m thankful to write this quite lengthy blog, as a way to show my love and support for David during this time. He has been so strong, has truly has tried to do everything right, and this is my way of showing the world just how much I love him. I’ll leave you with the simple lyrics of the legendary Tammy Wynette.
“Stand by your man,
Give him two arms to cling to,
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man,
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man.”
So thankful David and your beautiful family are doing well. You have lived through a nightmare. Once again, you have opened your heart by your writing. You have a gift…keep blogging…keep being real and honest! Love to you and your family.
I think you and your family have handled this like pros. People should not shame anyone for something we have no control over.
We all are in this together and should stand by one another. I’m so glad he is doing better and no one else in your family got sick.
God is the only one we need to worry about how he sees us. He is a merciful God and walks with us no matter what. Love and hugs to all of you.
A Richlands Va neighbor.
Praise the Lord you and your family are on the other side of this virus. It hurts my heart that y’all were not covered in prayer by everyone around you. This is not a time for blame but one of kindness and thoughtfulness and mostly a time of prayer for protection for everyone. Thank you for sharing your story. This will help me going forward too to be more intentional in prayer, thoughtfulness, and encouragement. God Bless you and yours.
I am so proud of you for sharing your story. I also salute you and David for the professional and caring way you handled this crisis, keeping those living around you safe! Your prompt actions exemplify EXACTLY what EVERYONE should be doing! You and David and my precious granddaughter’s are true heroes! You Mary, as the caretaker during this time, are to be acknowledged! Thank you for all you did, and continue to do! Your selfless actions kept your father and me safe and well. It was the hardest thing for us to do – stay away!! Not having any physical contact with you and your family for six weeks took its toll on our family, but we knew it’s what we needed/HAD to do – And until this pandemic is over, may God continue to hold all of us in the palm of His hand.
Your story was so heart breaking Mary but you are a awesome lady to have even shared it with everyone. I know everyone has been scared but also really are doing the preventive measures to stay safe. My husband worked in Corrections for 26 years and myself for 15 and I always worried more so for him because of inmate contact with many diseases and illnesses. It’s a very different world on the inside. This pandemic has affected so many life’s but to actual have it and have to deal with all that comes with it is so very consuming of your life. When you are a essential worker no way to avoid the bad things that could happen because the service you provide are mandatory. I am so very glad to hear that David is doing well and that you all are ok. When we all went into lockdown it does remind us all at how fast everything in our daily living can change due to keeping our love ones safe. I love your Mom and she has always been a dear friend and fellow classmate and your Dad a outstanding man of our community and they are so proud of you and the strong lady that you have become and I do apologize for our small town gossip but that’s all some have to do. I want you to know if I can do anything for you and your family please just ask. That’s what everyone should be doing for you. Sending prayers and healing comfort and love to all of you. 🙏❤️
I ♥️ You Sandy!!!! Thank you for your kind and heartfelt comments.
Mary, thank you for sharing your story. I just want to hold you and David in my arms and praise God that you are well. Words are not efficient enough to describe the love I have for you two and your precious girls. You are a blessing . I love you all.
Your memom and Big Daddy were saints❤️
Oh Mary. How sorry I am to read that you all have dealt with this virus first hand. I’m so glad that David had the milder case and you and your girls have remained safe from it. Much love to each of you.❤️🙏🏻
Beautifully written, Mary. I am sorry that you and your family have had such a struggle in this pandemic, but your faith has remained strong. A very heart-felt blog, especially when talking about your grandparents. Love you much and hope to see you again soon. Keep writing!!
People can be so cruel & I’m sorry you & your family had to deal with such. I pray that God gives peace & comfort & restores your husband to complete health.
Thank you for sharing your family wisdom and courage through this virus, but most of all sharing God through your faith. I am praying that God will continue to keep you all your family safe. Your story really touched my heart. I love you whole family.
So thankful David’s case was mild and everyone is doing well. Thank you for sharing your stories and God’s blessings to you all.
What a warm, informative post. I have prayed daily for all people affected by this horrible virus, but I will now add the spouses/families of victims. You are a hero. ❤
I hope that David and your family remain healthy. I am sorry that you had to deal with the horrible social media comments. I will say an extra prayer for your family.
Mary,
I had heard David had contracted COVID, and I’ve been praying for you. I didn’t reach out because I was fearful. How thankful I am that you have written this beautiful blog. You not only shared your heart, but you worked on the hearts of others. Love God and love man. How much better the world would be with this mantra. I love you, sweet girl.
Thank you Mary for sharing your story. Thankful that David is doing well. I can’t imagine what you and the family have experienced. Love all your family. God bless🙏❤️
Thank you Mary for sharing your story and as a spouse of the Graffs employee, as always in the 36 years my husband has worked for the company they always take the safety of the staff first and secondly I’m just so thankful you guys can put this behind you and your family’s ok. May Gods loving arms continue to be around you.
I’m so happy that David and your family are doing well. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are in our hearts and prayers.
Thank you Mary for sharing your gift of writing in your blogs they are so personal and touching. I am glad you all are well. I know that this has been very difficult on many families. Luke and his fiancée were very sick before this became a public pandemic and had been home sick for 2 weeks, they couldn’t even get in to check for the flu, which they assumed they had the 2nd week for fear of the covid-19 so they stayed home and praise God healed. They have not come home for fear of bringing anything here, they especially want to protect their Nanny & Pappy. I fully understand the pain of losing one to AIDS, which happened to my uncle because of blood transfusions he had to get because of treatments for colon cancer. The cancer was gone, but he died the slow painful death of AIDS. God blessed me by letting me be with him the week before God took him home. Prayers to you and your family.
Mary
May David continue on the road to complete recovery.
Thank you for your loving and caring blog.
May God continue to keep you both in his arms.
Love and appreciate you and your family.
what a testament of love and compassion. Have got to send this to my daughter who was also faced with the same circumstances. Think this will benefit so many. Viruses do not choose who they contract. You are such an inspiration, I can’t wait to share.
what a testament of love and compassion. Have got to send this to my daughter who was also faced with the same circumstances. Think this will benefit so many. Viruses do not choose who they contract. You are such an inspiration, I can’t wait to share.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank God you all are doing well. Continuing to pray for David, you and your family.
Mary I am sorry you and your family had to go through all the ugliness on top of David being sick. You are so strong and your blog was wonderful.
Mary. I am so truly proud of you. I knew the day we first met you were strong courageous loving and kind I honestly did not know this until I just read your story that your precious mother shared and I work in the county. I did not need to know, as I prayed for all the ones affected by our 4 confirmed cases. Thank you thank you. Always in my heart Maggie
Wow! Mary I am so glad that you guys are ok. I’m also so sorry for all that you and your family have went through in the past month. Miss you guys❤
God bless you and your family. You have filled my eyes and my heart with tears. Having cared for HIV and AIDS patients, I can empathize with your grandparents and family. You are overcomers. Carry no shame. You have been blessed and are a blessing.
I called my paternal grandfather Big Daddy too.
Thank you for opening your life and your heart. Your words will be a strength to many
Nick
Oh, Mary: I just stumbled on this blog. I was totally unaware of your situation. Praise God David is doing ok and you and your sweet precious family have been spared this frightening illness. Thank you for sharing your story which will be very helpful to all who read it in not ignoring all the symptoms that warn us to get medical attention quickly. My heart aches for your family who are not able to visit or have visits with you all, especially the little ones. I pray that God will help them and you in this isolation period. I am so looking forward to the day when this is over and we can all be together, especially in Church. Give sweet Presley and Charlotte a big hug for me. I love them so much! I will be praying for your continued protection from this illness and for David’s total healing and that his strength will return quickly. 🙏